Hot Tub Archive
September 2003
It's almost SATURDAY!!!! and oh yeah, we're going to have 8 shit bags. What the hell?!?!
Sounds like it's time to start making the freshmen carry useless things
for the simple sake of carrying them.
Stuffed animals are nice. Live animals are nicer. Squirt guns?
Always in vogue. Real guns? Great for the attention whore.
I have an old-school portable computer terminal that would make
excellent ballast for a freshman who's skinny enough to merit fears
of getting blown over in a strong breeze.
The best thing to stuff in a backpack on Saturday morning would
have to be my kid Matt, though. He doesn't even weigh ten pounds yet,
so anyone who's not a complete pansy should be able to carry him.
Hey--speaking of which, I'd like to take this opportunity to repeat
my request for a Real Name for my kid.
Constraints: vaguely masturbatory and explicitly family-safe.
The best I could come up with was "Spanky", but that won't work for
obvious reasons.
Let's hear some chatter out there,
Stroker
OK, mad rugged props go out to the Tatanka that included this
picture in the CU Marching Band's equivalent of a Reg Week photo album:
This one time,
Stroker
PS- Submitted without comment, honest this time:
So after doing some research on slang terms for masturbating here are some names I came up with for my little buddy with his freshly healed umbilical cord. There are just some options and of course variants of them could work nicely as well.
http://www.bandyell.org/phonebook/show.php?username=stroker
Play nice, and don't piss 'em off,
Stroker
What kind of camera tom-foolery was used on our rank picture it looks like we are a cardboard cutout.
It may or may not have something to do with my having too much fun with Paintshop Pro, blurring the background to fake some depth-of-field.
I like the electronic pi card check. It made me go through all the
old kiddie photos and unopened condoms in my wallet to find my card.
So who's going to buy the next beer?
I am once again proud that mumupi has taken the lead in using
technology to offend the rest of society. Back in my day we would
just drink lots of beer and yell bad words. This is much more effective.
I wish you all the best of luck this year and make sure you give
my very best to Lecrone, oh wait, I've already given my very best to
his wife & daughters.
Jim Temmer
Rank 24
1983-1987
So it was Suan-foolery.....
Quick announcement for those of you that haven't heard.
Though Stroker beat me to it, I too have succeeded in inseminating
something without four legs and an udder.
My wife is due in late March and Retard has my permission for the first date.
Keep in mind, Dave, that Matt Stokosa is a little closer in age,
and Stroker is already preparing the love nest.
Admittedly I don't yet know the gender of my child-to-be,
but you guys have a 50-50 shot.
Last night, I stayed at home and impregnated my wife. It felt so good...
Lotsa love,
Dettmann
Temmer:
Send your email address to stroker@upl.cs.wisc.edu.
For that matter, include email addresses, real names, and birth names
of other saxes from your era. Technological vanguards we may be,
but we're still grossly underutilizing the ability of this site
to be a contact database for alumni.
Shit, our alumni pages only go back to 1997. That's just criminal.
Seems to me they should go back to 1977 or 1978, depending on which side
of the card you consult.
Whatever we come up with to post it all, we'll hide it behind a
password to keep the evil spammers at bay.
OK,
Stroker
Ahh, my first post since 29 April 03.
Feels good, just like it will when I take my quiz/other road trip activites
that shall remain unnamed because I don't know what they are yet.
Well Pudge and I will be at the official Whorehouse Putt-Putt this evening
at some park in Middleton and I will be running the beer hole.
Other holes include the Cap'n 'n Coke, Martini, etc.
so if anyone wants to party Whorehouse style and forsake the Pi picnic,
come get inebriated for free!
OK that's all for now; I'll go continue playing my favorite game.
Tea Bag the Tarheels
Freshman Dumbass extrordinaire
Bufu
BuFu-
Go fuck yourself, nobody gives shit about what you're doing.
And when I said "NOT a gallon and a half,"
why the hell did you bring me a gallon and half?
Fucking dumbass.
(Retard--hope this makes for good reading at work)
Ahem. . .
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention.
It has been decided by all interested parties that Rachel
"Beefstick" Javitch, in order to retrieve the possession of her
Mu Mu Pi, the National Fraternity of Marching Saxophones, Membership Card
from Mr. Ryan "Jímenez Vladimir Abdullah O'Schmitty McGavinn" Nantell,
must complete any THREE of the following physical challenges:
1) Consume two shots of Jose Cuervo Gold tequila in the presence
of Mr. McGavinn (chasers allowed, body shots encouraged).
2) Convince at least one other active Mu Mu Pi female member to
participate in a Pi Shower with Ms. Javitch and Mr. McGavinn of
ten-minute duration (after, and only after that point, other sausage
will be allowed to join in).
3) Acquire another Mu Mu Pi member's Membership Card and give it
to Mr. McGavinn. May it be noted that despite Ms. Javitch's previous
flaunting of and disregard for proper Pi card procedure,
such insubordination will not be permitted for this task.
4) Defeat Mr. McGavinn in one head-to-head Mario Kart 64 race on
the Yoshi's Valley 150cc course in which he races as Yoshi and she races
as any character of her choosing. This race must be witnessed by TWO
of the following Mu Mu Pi members, Paul "Fatty" Ferguson, Anthony "Spooge"
Gillette and Timothy "Pudge" Puls, and must be declared by both witnesses
to have been a legitimate and fair contest, absent of any physical or
mental obstruction.
These challenges may be completed at any time, in any order, and in
as many repetitions as necessary. In addition, the powers-that-be have
decided that Nicole "Shirley" Culver, and Kathryn "Half-Pint" Koenig
will not be eligible to receive their duplicate Mu Mu Pi Membership Cards
until Ms. Javitch has reacquired her membership card.
Hugs and kisses,
jimi
btw, did you guys see what happens to my profile picture when you put your mouse on it? Very cool, Suan.
Beef-
You piece of shit, get your Pi Card back.
And Fatty, where's the requirements for 1/2 and I?
And SUAN! What the Hell....why does my ass always appear with
"practice pictures?" Pick someone else this year!
P.S.
BuFu-
Fuck you, pervert.
Shirley-
At least you don't look like a chipmunk with sunglasses
and a "Band W" in your chest.
Ok, Willie. What??????
Never mind, I get it.
While on Road Trip on the Bookmobile, a young freshman
by the name of Hot Carl was given the assignment to
compose a story entitled "Bab Lisi and his Humongous Cack".
Below, I have recomposed the story for all to enjoy,
leaving certain parts of Carl's freshmen innocence and
genius intact, most notably her spelling of "Bab Lisi".
--Jímenez V. A. O'Schmitty McGavinn
Bably C and his Humongous Cack & Balls
When one thinks of a humongous cack and balls the only
person who comes to mind is Bably C. Not only does he hold
the Guinness Book of world records for "the Largest Balls &
Cack Known to the Human Race," but it also has been reported
that his cack and balls are comparable in size to those of a horse.
One may wonder how he got to be so large, but the answer is simple;
the Bably C Windmills. Science has proven that the up-and-down,
'round-and-'round motion of the windmill stimulates the cack and balls
to expand in size. Bably C came upon his discovery of the miracle ball
and cack grower while warming up for UW Band rehearsal.
One day while bending over in the final stages of the windmill,
he noticed a wonderful, most pleasant sensation down under.
Startled by this new sensation, he walked directly up to his
band director, Mr. Mike Leckrone, and told him of his new experience.
Mike, being a man with few sensations still occurring down under,
became curious and proceeded to pull down everything and examine Bably C.
NOTE: This may seem strange to those unfamiliar with the Wisconsin Band,
but since Mr. Mike Leckrone knows all and sees all, he would be the only
appropriate authority on the matter.
Upon examination Mike noticed the increase in the size of Bably C's
cack and balls. Upon this discovery Mike implemented the windmills to
all band members, thinking that bigger cack and balls would increase
the intensity of their marching style.
Each male member of the band noticed a small increase in their ball
and cack size, but none more than Bably C.
However, as the days went on the band noticed that their director
had become more crankier and bossier than ever before.
The reason; the Bably C Windmills were doing nothing for him!
In fact, the windmills were actually working in reverse -- shrinking
his balls and cack.
It is for this reason that Mr. Mike Leckrone continues to despise
the saxophone section to this day.
Meanwhile, each one of Mr. Bably C's successors have had larger
than normal cack and balls. In addition, Bably C and the marching
Saxophones have been immortalized as the Masters of the Band.
As far as anyone knows, Bably C continues to do his windmills each
and every day and his humongous balls and cack continue to grow,
getting him many lays.
AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *wipes tears from eyes* hooooo...
This goes in the Archives, NOW.
Bably C...you kill me, Carl.
It's not often an Underclassman names an alumni,
but you just may have managed to do it.
Getting him many lays,
Stroker
I think we need a royal decree from the Grand Pubah, that from this day forth, the note of "concert E-flat", whenever played on a UW alto saxophone, shall be called the "Bably C"...
Ahhh yeeesss.... Windmills do indeed stretch out the 'ol "muscles". I have grown fond of my alumni years, especially now that I somehow managed (with no effort of my own) to make my mark in the volumes of Pi-lore. Retard keeps me young and spry in my aging, soon-to-be hitched carcass that once pummelled an OSU pylon with a mighty left foot. Life just isn't the same when you don't get to regularly see a field of uncoordinated freshmen trying to do windmills in reverse...
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