Hot Tub Archive


January-June 2004

But remember the rules, kids:

1) I am not censoring content. *wince* The flip side of this is that if you write something that gets Tipper Gore's knickers in a twist, the whole world knows who wrote the infantile reference to menstruation and its effect on society. Basically, if you wouldn't shout it in a room full of strangers, don't write it.

1a) If, at some later date, you beg and plead with me to take down something you wrote in your younger and more foolish days, I won't. Chances are I'll find it terribly funny, and so will everyone else, even more so because you regret writing it.

2) Check your own damn spelling and grammar, you uneducated chimpanzees. I have more important things to worry about than proofreading your wisdom.

3) Tell your Mu Mu Pi alum pals about this. Just like in real life, the more saxophones in a hottub, the more likely the National Guard will be called in to stop the fun.

 Brian, on 6 Jan 2004, said

Happy New Year's!

Yay, I got the first post of 2004!

Hope you all had a least a little bit of fun in Nashville. How was the Auburn band?

Love,
Garçon de l'eau

Sharky, on 15 Jan 2004, said

As I have been away from the site since the end of last semester, I finally got the opportunity to read Pudge's post. I realized that it is probably a good idea for me to post for the first time as a freshman.

I only have a few comments:
Poker was great during the trip (for me at least), and the next PGPN should be sweet as well.

In response to Brian's post--they were pretty bad (lost Battle of the Bands, took more than their share of time during halftime, sprinted off the field, no post game show, etc.). They did, however, give our pregame show a standing ovation (or so I've heard).

And finally--Happy New Year to ya'll! Hope your resolutions aren't broken as soon as mine will be.

Later

Sharky

Willie, on 15 Jan 2004, said

So I suppose the resolution you mention must be the one that says you're not going to drink at all this semester?

Shirley, on 16 Jan 2004, said

Anybody up for spring break in Jackson Hole? $440 (this is a deal...) covers transportation, lodging and lift tickets for the week. There are some meals included and entertainment discounts. I'm trying to put together a room (or two) let me know if you're interested! (naculver@wisc.edu)

Lumpy, on 23 Jan 2004, said

Wow, thanks guys for a fun night. Hope to have more fun nighs like this. Wow this is really fun typing wastecd. Ok, I'd better go to bed before I make a fool of myself anymore. I'll talk to you at "I" lunch tomorrow.

Shirley, on 24 Jan 2004, said

Girls-
Check your e-mail about dinner. Carla, please reply!

Jimenez, on 26 Jan 2004, said

Boys-
Check your e-mails about . . . oh wait, you'll probably check you e-mails before you look at the Hot Tub, so never mind. I won't waste your time here . . .

DOOH!

Jimenez, on 26 Jan 2004, said

(an after thought from my previous message)

Okay, so I got behind on my Hot Tub reading since I got the flu that almost killed me (right smack dab in the middle of exams too, a blast, let me tell you). So I did some catch up tonight so that I could have an excuse to not do any work tonight. Here are my observations:

  1. Lumpy, you are a big nerd. Has anybody checked out his website? I have never even heard of a headphone amp let alone known people who build them for fun. Spooge and Chubb build fish shockers, but at least they get paid for it. And what student has time to tear themself away from all the drinking, and studying, and drinking to post a detailed description of their CD collection? Maybe I need to get myself out of the Liberal Arts gutter before I can relate . . . or maybe not!
  2. I don't know who this Sir Wilhelm of the Night guy is, but he seems like a real switch hitter to me . . . if you know what I mean.
  3. I concur, alumni suck. I can't wait 'til my career in sucking comences in about 10 weeks.
  4. Someone needs to explain to those other "Pi" lame asses that if they haven't been around since 1978, they need to take a hike and stop leeching off of us. We have been formally recognized by the University for christ sake, so much so that they have put us on "double secret probation". I doubt they and their sweet little cow graphics know what "double secret probation" is . . . Then again, does anybody know what that is?
  5. Chubb, how much time do you waste finding all the zany crap you post to the hot-tub (and when I say crap, I mean it in the same context as the funky crap moves Mike puts into the half-time show)?
  6. Pudge, it was a long time in coming, but you finally delievered. That posting really harkened back to the primitive days of the Hot Tub, when people only posted like once every 10 months and being absolutly stone cold drunk seemed to be a reqirement. By the way, I hate you.

That is all.

jimi

PS-if I spelt anything wrong, bite me.

eSputante, on 27 Jan 2004, said

Hey you guys, thanks for not telling me where the party was after Pi Lunch...
Oh wait you didn't have a party after Pi Lunch???
You mean you were busy by 2:00 on a Friday?
I'll give you guys a quick definition on EXTENDO Pi Lunch. It means staying longer than say 2:00 because you do not have to go to band that afternoon, and the only reason you should really leave before 4:00 is to go to $2 "Pints" at Brothers.
But hey it's OK I know why most of you weren't there anyway.
Willie is a pussy, and is scared of Garen (and you should be)
Fatty and Retard were too busy spooning. (I think the Cirlcle of Gay lost two members and picked up one)
Stroker had to go to work
Pudge rarely goes to Pi Lunch and is exempt. (but I still hate you)
Petunia had to go to the high schools to start macking on the ladies.
Half Pint was too busy sleeping.
Beef is in quarantine until this Mad Cow shit goes away.
The freshmen and now sub-freshmen suck.
And anyone else I am forgetting is just lame anyway.
Maybe next time you guys could pull the string out and stick around for a little bit, and then go to FAC. I mean its $2 pints!
Thanks anyway Lenny, Chubb, HC, and Nuts for coming back for the second wind of Pi Lunch. And Nuts, I am glad it doesn't take you 3 hours to get permission... I mean get ready to go to FAC.
If I haven't offended you yet, have a nice day.
Spooge

Doctor E., on 27 Jan 2004, said

To quote Spooge on 13 Jan 2003, "I hope all of you made sure to have Friday afternoon wide open so you could attend." But enough about the past. Why was it exactly that you weren't there on Fri with the rest of us from about 11:30-2:00? Class? Oh, right. Next time you see Dettmann, ask him how he feels about going to classes during Pi Lunch.

eSputante, on 27 Jan 2004, said

Awww...Poor Retard. And what were you doing around 2, I believe your boyfriend said you were "taking a nap". I am sorry. I hope they let you watch Matlock at the old folks home after your 2 o'clock nap.
Spooge

e; phd, on 28 Jan 2004, said

Indeed they did. That Matlock, he's one smart guy.

the sparkles, on 30 Jan 2004, said

spudge-
while you may not think a nap is a valid excuse to be absent from pi lunch by 2, let me say this....

  1. you are old
  2. your balls are old
....and the purpose of the mid-friday afternoon nap is recouperation from drinking heavily on thursday, wednesday, and tuesday night (something you would know very little about) in order to go out and drink heavily for the next 3 nights. while i recognize that your balls are old you are allowed to come out and drink and such at other times than at Pi lunch with Pi people. i'm done here

Sparkles

p.s. katie says hi, shes a senior at madison west
p.p.s. your balls are old
p.p.p.s. very old

eSputante, on 30 Jan 2004, said

Yeah Sparkles, and a nap for you would be of age, but going the other way, as in you 13 year old girlfriend has to take her afternoon nap and you wait to 'play' with her like Michael Jackson does with little boys. All though my balls are old, at least they won't get me in jail.

See you Wed.
Spooge

Dettmann, on 31 Jan 2004, said

There seems to be some confusion regarding Extendo Pi Lunch. So much confusion, in fact, that I felt the need to pull myself out of a cow to clarify the "EXTENDO" portion of Extendo Pi Lunch. Marching Band practice is the ONLY excuse accepted for leaving Pi Lunch early. Since I assume you all returned from Nashville by now, that excuse no longer holds water. However, keep in mind that band practice is NOT an excuse for not drinking. Some of my most memorable practices followed Pi Lunch...I think. In reference to classes, I had two Friday afternoon lectures my senior year (16 weeks times 2 classes is 32 lectures second semester). I attended exactly 4 of those lectures...the first one and the last one for each class. Temporary passes will be issued for class if and only if copius amounts of alcohol are consumed immediately prior to and immediately after said class. In case of any further confusion, the only excuses accepted for not attending Pi Lunch at all are death, sexual circumstance (pictures required), or being so old that your presence becomes awkward and annoying to the actives. Please let me know if there are any other questions.

Dettmann

Ask the people who were supposed to give me a nick name what my name is, on 1 Feb 2004, said

I would like to post my once-every-two-year hot tub entry by saying that you guys are all en fuego. For those of you who don't ablo espanol, thats spanish for ON FIRE. For those of you who don't sprechen englisch, that's english for GAY, which is slang for LOOSERS. If you had a life, you would work on resumés all weekend and read the hot tub at 11:58 on a saturday night (at least I'm not as old as Dettmann or o-lers). If I told you the rest of my night you'd be jealous.

Ron - what's my nick name again? ...errr, did I ever get a nick name? Thanks for nothing and talk to ya never.

see previous entry for an identity clue, on 1 Feb 2004, said

oh...and Stroker, he's old too. But sometimes there are just...exceptions.

grouchy alumni suck, on 1 Feb 2004, said

Loosers? Learn to spell, loser.

Big Dyke, on 1 Feb 2004, said

So, I guess I thought things had changed in this section but apparently that doesn't include the tub. I've been reading it for years and now that I finally made it (after 6 reg. weeks most of you recent alumni know me), I get to put my 2 cents in too. Alumni, wake up. You're not in high school anymore (or band for that matter). Using "gay," "fag," etc as derogatory just isn't cool. Most current members have learned to choose their words carefully around me, regardless of what they think, and for that they are to be commended. Can you "big people" (and some actives) please do the same on the tub? I'm sick of reading about who's "gay" and "lesbian photos", etc. Grow up or shut up!

One pissed rugby player,
Krista

go to hell, big dyke, on 1 Feb 2004, said

You suck. If you can't deal with it, don't read it.

Fatty, on 2 Feb 2004, said

Maybe I'm just frustrated with the number of times every day I fail miserably at getting my girlfriend to whip out her breasts, but I now publicly renounce anything I've ever had against Justin Timberlake. Best Super Bowl halftime...EVER! Next year the Bears will be in the game. HA! [not bloody likely]


EAR, OW & Go Cubbies (Pitchers and catchers report in 16 days),
Bigg Fatt Mann

Dettmann, on 2 Feb 2004, said

Fat-

The Cubbie Ride to October begins and ends at my house. If you need a place to watch any of the 173 games required for the Cubs to bring the title back to Chicago, let me know. But we're not gonna listen to Justin Timberfuck.

D

Spug, on 2 Feb 2004, said

As Pudge likes to say "Fuck the Cubs"
Go Brew Crew
I can't believe I just said that at this time of year...
Spooge

Ronée, on 4 Feb 2004, said

I would like to apologize to those of you who read my entry as anything other than sarcastic. I was actually making fun of myself for not going out the entire weekend and reading the hot tub (not to mention the irony of me making fun of everyone for doing the exact thing I was doing). I don't do things to piss people off, but I do enjoy joking around, which is all I meant.

Lumpy, on 8 Feb 2004, said

Spoomawistle. A limmerick:

There once was a guy named Willis
Who bought a lady a bouquet of amaryllis.
Then out came a man
Weilding a frying pan,
And he realized the woman was Phyllis.

Shirley, on 13 Feb 2004, said

Krista is my hero:

ssss,boom, ahhh, whistle:
One day Shirley went out for a f*ck
Instead she found a rugger to ruck,
A dyke she screwed
"Oh god," she cooed
"Penises," she said, "I will no longer suck."

**In honor of Valentine's Day, I've decided that bi is a lifestyle for me.


Doc, on 13 Feb 2004, said

**In honor of Valentine's Day, I've decided that drunk is a lifestyle for me.
(OK, it really has nothing to do with Valentine's Day)

Dettmann, on 15 Feb 2004, said

Here's hoping everybody had lots sex and chocolates for Valentine's Day. And good luck with the lifestyle choices. I'll be watching.

Happy VD to all!

Dettmann

Spooge, on 16 Feb 2004, said

Fuck shit bitch... Fuck.

That is all,
Spooge

Hot Carl, on 20 Feb 2004, said

Alrite, today it has come to my attention that the "Banditos" have forgotten about changing my profile. Well a wise person by the name of Beef has suggested that I should post my real profile so here it is:


Birth Name: Carla Jean Carlson
Year: Freshman
Major: Physical Therapy
Marching Season: First
Spot: Rank 24 Alternate
Measurements: 1/24th Scale
Turn-Ons: Personality... no, more like tall, dark and handsome, but I've been known to deviate.
Turn-Offs: smoking, inebriation, assholes
Hometown: Boyceville, Wisconsin

Did you get any last night?
Sleep- Nope...... Other stuff......

Why did you join the band?
When I saw the band during band day, I had to join. Plus I had to keep a representative from Boyceville in the band. Also I wanted to be in a sport and there's nothing tougher than band!

How did you get your band name?
Being my sexy little self... No but seriously my birth name is similar to a sexual act and viola "Hot Carl"

Write a song to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star" entitled:
"Wheels the Hairy Little Gnome"

Wheels the hairy little Gnome
Learned that he was gay in Rome,
There he met a quite queer guy
Who belonged to Mu Mu Pi,
Wheels the Hairy Little Gnome,
Found new ways to use his dome


What are you wearing?
Of course my visat, and I was going to wear my leather Dom outfit, but it's at the cleaners, so the rest is up to your imagination.

Cite your musical influences:
I would have to say my band director Ms. Vig. Other than that I'm not musically inclined enough to have many influences.

Any final wisdom?
It may not be as good, but I like it1

Jimenez, on 22 Feb 2004, said

Carl, I don't like it. Your first draft was better. I have a hard time fathoming how a second draft can be worse than a first draft, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since you are a Freshman.

As you have observed, the Banditos have yet to meet about . . . check that . . . the Banditos have yet to care about this little issue regarding your profile. However, if we were to meet, I feel safe to say that the first course of action would be to have the second draft removed from the Hot Tub. Suan, get to work. Maybe we'll let you change your profile when you turn in a draft that is as good as the first one.

Doctor, on 26 Feb 2004, said

Tonight I saw Nolan at the Big10. I bought him 2 shots. He would not do the second one. He is a pussy. That is all.

Stroker, on 26 Feb 2004, said

Klaetsch! KLAETSCH! KLAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEETSCH!!!

I'll send you a love letter!

Straight from my heart, fucker!

You know what a love letter is?

It's a bullet from a fucking gun, fucker!

You recieve a love letter from me, you're fucked forever!

You understand, fuck?

I'll send you straight to hell, fucker!


Love,

Stroker

Jimenez, on 27 Feb 2004, said

Sharky-

Are you the cast member in this film? Did they just spell your name wrong? Are you trying to take on a not very creative screen-name?

Fatale

Narrative Short | USA | 2004 | 12 min | B/W | Mini DV

Director: Andrew Parkhurst
Screenplay By: Andrew Parkhurst
Cast: Andrew Parkhurst, Colin Hackbath, Kelly Raz, Jon Wood, Jeremy Taska, Eric Van Abel

(World Premiere) In this stylish homage to film noir, an investigative reporter left for dead teams with a police detective to track down his would-be killer. Filmmaker Andrew Parkhurst is an undergraduate in Communication Arts and Electrical Engineering at UW-Madison.

Sharky, on 28 Feb 2004, said

Jimi-

Yeah, that's me. They forgot an r in Jeremy Traska's name too. Andy and I are friends from back home since we were 7 years old. We have been making movies since we were like 12. We started with the classic Godzilla movies. Then moved on to comedy, spanish movies, action, and now drama. He's all about movies. He has a fog machine and a green screen in his basement!

Fatale was Andy's creation not only to make it into the Wisconsin Film Festival, but also to help out his resume to USC for grad school.

If anyone is interested, I think the festival is at the Memorial Union on April 1-3. Feel free to pack the theatre for Fatale!

How did you find that info?

Later

Sharky

Jimenez, on 28 Feb 2004, said

I have my sources . . .

Actually, that info is what's been keeping me from Pi Lunch. I have an internship with the film festival and I stumbled upon your name when reviewing the schedule. I'll have to get the director to change your name to "Sharky" on the cast list. That should clear up any confusion.

Tourist, on 1 Mar 2004, said

So, did anyone else catch Krista and Lisa on the news last night? Happy belated birthday, Krista. I guess you'll have to wait another 72 years to celebrate the big 2-4 :-D.

Suan

Fatty, on 2 Mar 2004, said

ONE WORD: BO-MENTUM. BO-MENTUM, BABY, BO-MENTUM.

BuFu, on 2 Mar 2004, said

Hell yeah...sweet poetry. Harris made some ridiculous shots. Let's go, Boilers; kick some Illini ass.

By the way, I just got some crazy e-mail from "management@mumupi.org" sent to the active list. What's up with that? It said something about a large number of viruses going out from the mumupi server and that my account is disabled. Is there a new virus going around? Shit.

BuFu

Shirley, on 2 Mar 2004, said

I saw Jimi on ESPN. BuFu, stop posting. Please.

Sensation, on 2 Mar 2004, said

Bah! These email-transmitted diseases are so big and stupid, they do not deserve to be called "viruses", which are supposed to be minimalist works of art attacking at a low-enough layer to be noticed by the higher being. These email-transmitted things are more like robbers walking up to your door posing as the cable guy or as Dick Clark: easy to avoid if you keep the door shut.

Stroker, on 11 Mar 2004, said

What the fuck happened?!? DETAILS, goddamnit, I want DETAILS.


Via email if necessary,

Stroker

Stroker, on 11 Mar 2004, said

Huh. I thought this'd be bigger news with you active types:
http://www.uwbadgers.com/sport_news/general_sport/headlines/full_story.aspx?story_id=2004_03_10_16_02_20_gs


Stroker

Stroker, on 11 Mar 2004, said

"...after violations of band policies last week."

Sounds like somebody was trying to have fun, and the University of Wisconsin Marching Band Department of Happiness Suppression caught wind of it before a few bad apples could spoil the bunch. With fun. Because once one member finds out that band can be fun, all of them are going to realize that they can get more than bible study in return for busting their asses week in and week out.

And then all hell will break loose, both literally and figuratively. Did you know that some band members used to get naked once upon a time, TOGETHER? I mean, before they got married. For shame. It's a good thing those days are behind the band.


THIS'LL LEARN 'EM,

Stroker

sparkles, on 11 Mar 2004, said

WTF is going on. i'm going to assume that no one in the section was on this trip for the womens tournament. ok, so no one knows what happened?? FRESHMEN!!!!! i want a story!!!

Xtina, on 11 Mar 2004, said

1/2 pint was there(I think). She can tell it. It's really not that great a story.

Krista

Dr., on 11 Mar 2004, said

You're all pathetic. It's a sad day when I hear this story 3 FUCKING TIMES before any of you chumps.

trashley, on 12 Mar 2004, said

okay, brief synopsis of what i know...

women's big 10 trip
kid (drummer)
wasted (it was his birthday)
yells at bob (F-this and F-that you F-ing F-er)
bob pulls over (bob from badger bus, not van gelder)
calls police
kid gets nearly arrested
kid out of band (do not pass go, do not collect $200)
that bus fined $1200 (among all the members on board)
rest of band punished

at least it was worse that what the saxes "did"... maybe mike will forget about you actives for awhile.

Spooge, on 12 Mar 2004, said

OK guys, we can't let Mike forget about us. Anybody got any good ideas to piss him off? I was thinking we'll take his bus, drink a lot, have the freshmen act out the South Park movie, and all the rest of us chime in with a rousing rendition of "Uncle Fucker". Then we have an impromptu orgy were we molest some unwilling freshmen who cries rape. Then all the guys, (and maybe some of the ladies as well) whip it out and start pissing all over the place. It would have to be a "Take one for the team" night where not a few stupid freshmen, but all of us go to detox, which I think would be a band record of a whole section getting sent, and this is before we do the concert/game/whatever. We can not be outdone by the drummers because I remember a song that goes something like "The Drummers are the Drummers". I would sadly have to miss it, but I am sure you crazy kids would make me proud...
Go Fuck yourselves,
Love Spooge

Dettmann, on 12 Mar 2004, said

What this band needs is a good squirt in the mouth. Carl Gitchel for director!

you know who, on 13 Mar 2004, said

27 Pi lunches overdue, my homework assignment was completed last night.

Sharky, on 13 Mar 2004, said

Lumpy!
GIVE DETAILS!!!

Later

Sharky

Willie, on 13 Mar 2004, said

Sharky-
That just made you sound like a little schoolgirl.

Xtina, on 13 Mar 2004, said

So, for all the alumni out there and any actives who can get access to "On, Wisconsin" (the alumni magazine) check out pg. 16. It's a photo of our very own Bably-C playing with his rubbers.

BuFu, on 14 Mar 2004, said

This article can be found at
http://uwalumni.com/onwisconsin/2004_spring/pdf/Research.pdf

BuFu

Xtina, on 14 Mar 2004, said

more useless (although hilarious) info from me...

Joe Cannistra and Ryan West were in detox by 7 p.m. tonight and most likely in their Varsity Band uniforms.

Krista

Stroker, on 14 Mar 2004, said

> you know who, on 13 Mar 2004, said
> 27 Pi lunches overdue, my homework assignment was completed last night.

HERE'S TO youknowwho
RAISE YOUR GLASS
HERE'S TO youknowwho
(mumble mumble) SOME ASS

> Sharky, on 13 Mar 2004, said
> GIVE DETAILS!!!

Seconded, just not in the Tub. This shit lives forever.

> Willie, on 13 Mar 2004, said
> Sharky-
> That just made you sound like a little schoolgirl.

No, the sounds that youknowwho's new friend made sounded just like a little schoolgirl, for the obvious reason.

*whips out grade book* "Let's see, here...Aloysius...Fall 2003...incomplete..." *scratch scratch scratch* "OK...counting the inspired extra credit you provided, that easily makes an A. Have any outstanding library fines? No? Don't let the Diploma Mill's door hit you on the way out. NEXT."

Stroker, on 14 Mar 2004, said

> Dettmann, on 12 Mar 2004, said
> What this band needs is a good squirt in the mouth.

Truer words were never spoken.

> Carl Gitchel for director!

Hell yeah. The ass-kicking he'd give the current regime's Department of Happiness Suppression would make the old purges of the Soviet Union look like backyard tea parties.

Heh...I wonder how long we could run the band before the Chancellor burned it to the ground? Fifteen minutes, maybe?

I can just imagine it...me up on the platform in the rehearsal room, saying "Who here's still a virgin? On second thought, fuck that. It doesn't matter. Lock the doors, because nobody's leaving here until we're sure you aren't. PANTS OVERBOARD!"

Or would we get a terminal case of the 241s and be even more strict than Leckrone in our hopeless bid to prevent 250 madmen and madwomen from ripping the band apart like Whorehouse rips apart strangers' food at buffet houses?

Good, bad, whatever, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that we're going to show the entire world how to Do It Right on the Road Trip To End All Road Trips, coming to a university near you in Fall 2004, fuckpole.

Fatty, on 16 Mar 2004, said

To contribute to the ongoing lame conversation that is the Hot Tub...

A story about Bably-C can also be found at http://www.wisportsweekly.com/issue2-26.pdf. I hear the guy who wrote it was also a UW sax (they used to be called "Pi's") at one time, much like the now-betrothed Cack 'n Balls himself.

Pursuant to Krista's posting, I would be interested to hear of possible further misrepresentation of the band by non-saxophones. On a similar note, it's comforting that now only 60 percent of the people Mike has ever kicked out are saxes rather than that disgusting 66.66666666666666666666666666667 percent figure that it used to be. Man-o-Manischewitz, it was looking for a while there like saxes were some real bad dudes. Either that or Mike just didn't like us. Hehehe. But seriously, my peeps, it's good to see that our proportion of all-time kick-outs is back under control.

Kudos to youknowwho. With a lack of any supporting (and hopefully salacious) details, to me the most interesting part of this story right now is that if I scroll past that entry at the right speed, to my eye it reads "27 Pi inches overdue..." For a minute it made me think a new generation of Bably-Cs had suddenly 'popped' up.

Stroker, thanks to your household, mostly Matt, I believe I have come down with and subsequently overcome that damned flu. Or at least I think that's the best explanation for me doing my best impression of Wheels on Saturday morning post-champagne practice and feeling shitty for a day without actually having done the requisite amount of drinking the night before.

Bo-mentum, baby, Bo-mentum,
Fatty

Stroker, on 16 Mar 2004, said

A plague on your house, Fatty!

A PLAGUE! On your HOUSE!

Yeah, kids are germ farms. Yankee brought that shit home from day care. Who knows? Maybe he'll turn it into a career in biological weapon research.

*cough* HaHA! You're FUCKED now, terrorist!

Stroker, on 24 Mar 2004, said



Lock up your women and livestock, because Yankee just got a wingman.

Andrew Michael Dettmann
8 pounds, 10 ounces
21 inches
Born on March 23, 2004

There's another snapshot at http://webpages.charter.net/mstokosa/drew.jpg

Hot Carl, on 25 Mar 2004, said

Alrite Upperclass, I know a lot of you need music, so I'll tell you all the extra copies I have:

Multiple Page songs:


I have other new one page songs, but too many to type. I always have the extra copies in my instrument case, so just ask me.
        -Hot Carl

Tourist, on 25 Mar 2004, said

Xylophonia? Is Galen comin' back?

And congrats to Dettman! So who's next? Wheels or Klaetsch?

Suan

Stroker, on 25 Mar 2004, said

Hot Carl:

I need a copy of Devil Went Down to Georgia. Thanks.


Stroker

Dr., on 25 Mar 2004, said

Devil Went Down to Georgia...hmm...sounds an awful lot like Michigan did last week.

Shirley, on 25 Mar 2004, said

It still baffles me that such cute kids come from the loins of our alumni, but congrats anyway.

Doc E., on 8 Apr 2004, said

Brewer Fever! Catch it.

Stroker, on 9 Apr 2004, said

Lyme Disease! Avoid it.

Willie, on 9 Apr 2004, said

Thanks for those words of wisdom.

Sputame, on 15 Apr 2004, said

Let the fucking begin!!!
Spu

Stroker, on 15 Apr 2004, said

I don't know why Spooge is calling for the fucking to start, but I would like to express my full support for this new policy directive.

You! Yes, you there, in the back. You're not fucking. Fix that. DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE AND FUCK YOU TO PROVE A POINT.


I could get behind a debate like that,

Stroker


JUST SO I COULD FUCK IT FROM BEHIND YAR HAR HAR OOOOHHH YEEEAAAAAHHHHH HONK HONK THE END

guess who, on 17 Apr 2004, said

When is Stroker going to grow up and realize he's not in college anymore?

mr. sparklo, on 18 Apr 2004, said

guess who, i would be inclined to believe mr. strokosa came to that realization when he graduated...the wife and the kid probably was some good reinforcement. whats your beef anyway? just upset you never got him to toss it in you from behind? understandable. and just so we clear this up, whats wrong with people having a good fucking time and being entertaining instead of so fucking boring i want to claw my eyes out AHHHHH! by the way, nice work with the name...very creative

guess who, on 20 Apr 2004, said

mr. sparklo

you are right i am lame i am now going to go take my life

Willie, on 21 Apr 2004, said

We'll all keep an eye out in the o-BITCH-uaries and then we won't have to "guess who" you are anymore.

Spudge, on 21 Apr 2004, said

Wow, was this weekend so lame that nobody has anything to post? No amazing stories of how Lumpy lost his virginity to a leaf blower or anything? No tales from another exciting Perkins trip with that same frazzle waitress? How did Lenny get home? I know Pudge, Fatty and I have a story, but it can not be discussed until the pending investigation is over. I guess the "greatest weekend in band" wasn't to great for you all...
Just a little depressed here...
Spooge

Stroker, on 21 Apr 2004, said

guess who, I didn't mean for this topic to come up so soon, but...well, I guess you saw what you saw, and there's just no taking that back. Come over here, and sit down. We have to have a talk, and it's time I tried to explain a few things.

Now, you know how boys and girls are different? Sometimes girls wear dresses or lighter colors...right, like pink, and play with dolls or have pretend tea parties. And sometimes boys will wear darker colors, and will play sports or ride bicycles. Yes, I know you like to ride your bike, too, but just listen to me for a little while.

Those things don't make little girls into little girls, and they don't make little boys into little boys. Your clothes and your toys are just ways of showing that you are little boys or little girls. Do you know what makes little girls little girls? No? Hm...OK, let's back up a little bit, then.

What do little girls grow up to be? That's right, big girls. You can call them women if you like. What do little boys grow up to be? Big boys, right. Another word for a big boy is a man. Now, do you notice anything different about men's and women's bodies? That's very true, men are usually taller than women. Have you noticed any other differences in their bodies? Exactly...women have boobs. Now, boobs is an OK word to use, but if you want to be more polite, you can call them breasts.

You don't have breasts yet, but soon you'll be a teenager, and they'll start to grow. Your body has other differences from boys' bodies, already, too. What do you call the place between your legs? OK, yes, yes, hoo-haa is a fine word. You know how your pee and your poop come out of different places? Yes, your poop comes out of your butt...very good, guess who. You called the place that your pee comes out of your hoo-haa. That's a baby word. Grown-ups call that place a "vagina". Girls have vaginas, and boy's don't.

"If boys don't have vaginas, where does their pee come out?" That's a very good question. Boys' pee comes out of a part of their body called a penis. See, all of your reproductive parts hide up inside your tummy, because you're a girl.

"What does reproductive mean?" It means the parts that have to do with making babies. Your body can't make babies yet, but it will be able to after it goes through the changes that a teenager's body does. Some of boys' reproductive parts are outside of their body, like a finger instead of like your tummy. The part of a boy between his legs that's kind of like a finger is called a "penis".

When a grown-up man and woman want to have a baby, or maybe only when they love each other very, very much, the man can put his penis into the woman's vagina. This is called "sex". "Why?" That's a complicated question. It feels good, but there is much more to it than just feeling good. For now, you just don't have to worry about it. Nobody is going to make you have sex, and no babies are going to start growing inside of you. If you have any questions about any of this, all you have to do is ask them, and I will be happy to answer them.

This is the most important part that I want you to remember, guess who: even though your mother was making sounds like I was hurting her, that was just her way of telling me that she felt very good and that she enjoyed what we were doing very much. It's completely natural, and it's nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of.


Yes, you can go outside and play,

Stroker

Spooge, on 21 Apr 2004, said

Wow... That was brilliant. All my dad told me was
"If the front porch is painted, use the back door"
I am saving that one for my kids...
Spu

Shirley, on 21 Apr 2004, said

I know my "greatest weekend in band" was just that. I'm sorry if you guys didn't have as much as I did...(i'm a whore.)

Shirley, on 21 Apr 2004, said

Just to be clear, I like being a whore.

TRD, on 21 Apr 2004, said

Congratulations to those alumni who will be adding little bundles of joy to their lives in the next 9 months.

P.S. Wheels - if you are lucky enough to have a girl, I'm calling her Hot Wheels. Well, until she's 18 at which point I'll just start referring to her as "finally legal."

Jimenez, on 22 Apr 2004, said

The Beef discovered a sex slang site called the Rolodex of Love. Here are some of the highlights:

Blumpy
You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
The Chili Dog
When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
(I think you can order those at Perkin's, and they might even put cheese on it.)
Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
(Does he have a brother named Fatty?)
Hot Karl
The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.
Hot Karl Candy Cane
A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
The Indian Cock Burn
While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
(. . . . and she better be beating her war-drums.)
The Juanita Special Bean Dip
While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.
(Juuuuaaanitaaa!!)
Pasadena Mudslide
This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.
(Remember, Mike's been to Pasadena three times.)
The Pirate's Treasure
While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.
(another Indian reference.)
Shirley Temple
Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.
(So what's your favorite drink now?)
The Shocker
When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)
(Unfortunately, I could not find a Spocker or a Squwaker)

Of course, those are all good and funny, but this one is my absolute favorite:
Beef Curtain
The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.

That is all.

chuckles, on 27 Apr 2004, said

Jugs, where are you??

Wheels, on 27 Apr 2004, said

Cock, where are you?

Shirley, on 27 Apr 2004, said

Virginity, where are you?

chuckles, on 28 Apr 2004, said

Not suprising that you can't find it, Wheels. It's just a little small so you have to look harder. :)

?????????, on 1 May 2004, said

Woo hoo

Spooge, on 6 May 2004, said

I pose this querry:
If I were to fuck you in the ear, what would it sound like?
Discuss
Spooge

Sharky, on 6 May 2004, said

Spooge-

First of all you should clarify which person is doing the hearing. Is it the fuck-er or the fuck-ee?
Also, maybe that isn't the appropriate question to ask. Maybe you should be asking: If you were to fuck someone in the ear, could you count that as having sex?

Later

Sharky

Stroker, on 7 May 2004, said

If your cock is small enough to fit in somebody's ear, I don't think fucking anything would count as having sex. This doesn't speak to the possibility that it's a normal-sized wee-wee and an enormous ear we're talking about, here.


OK,

Sroker

H. Ross Perot, on 7 May 2004, said

Ear Fucking? Sun you should see some ears getting fucked! Now what we're gonna do here is I have this Pi chart. This is the economy now, and this is what it would look like after I help pay the national debt. This one is a donkey. And this is a picture with a dick in my ear. What kind of noise it made? Well I couldn't tell you because there is a dick in my ear...
Vote for me in '92 and '96
H. Ross Perot

Spug, on 7 May 2004, said

The worst part of that last posting is that so many people reading it are not going to understand...
Spooge

BuFu, on 7 May 2004, said

Oh, really, Spooge...you mean you all never heard of our good friend H. Ross' strange fetish? Here's one of the tamer photos he didn't want to get out:

CHUBB, on 9 May 2004, said

http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html

WOW!!! Try and stump this thing? I couldn't and I tried Kang from the Simpsons and Zach Morris

It may take some time to load but its worth it.

CHUBB

Stroker, on 11 May 2004, said

Chubb:

No shit. I had to get into obscure Dangermouse characters before I started stumping that thing. And that was a couple months ago, so I'm sure it has only gotten smarter since then. Forget Skynet, this is the AI that will enslave humanity.


OK,

Stroker

Tracy, on 19 May 2004, said

Hey everyone! I know I've been absent for a while...had a lot going on.

To the actives: I am so sorry that you guys didn't get the invite to the ski trip in March. Dave was supposed to forward the message on to you all...so it's all his fault. Next year I'll post it on the hot tub.

So what has been going on you ask? Well, my husband and I are expecting at the end of October. Don't know the sex yet but hope to find out June 9th.

Great spring band concert...I hope my kid can hear OK when it is born... it seemed a lot louder then I remember. But then you know as you age you get sensitive to loud noises.

Hope all is well and that you guys have a great summer! I'll see you at alumni band day September 4th. I'll be very large at that point...and you can all laugh :-)

Tracy

P.S. Anyone heard from Jugs?

Spooge, on 22 May 2004, said

I slept with a national champion, what have any of you done lately?

http://www.cyclingnews.com/road.php?id=road/2004/may04/collegiatechamps04/collegiatechamps041

For your information, he wore 24 for the collegiate season.
EAR&OW
Spooge

Xtina, on 27 May 2004, said

A little something I found on the MIT Women's Rugby site:

Chorus:
Oh sing me another one
That's worse than the other one
I'll waltz you around by your willies

There once was a woman named Alice
With a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
Her tits were blown out to Dallas

Ai, yai, yai, yai...
your brother is also your father

Chorus

There once was a rabbi from Peru
Who tried eternally to screw
His wife said, "Oy Vey!"
"If you continue this way"
"The Messiah will come before you

Ai, yai, yai, yai...
your mother rides a bicycle without a seat

Chorus

--Krista

Stroker, on 1 Jun 2004, said

Too much of a good thing?
http://www.pbase.com/fotosbym/saxfest&page=all

Looking at this picture, I think of two things:
http://mishilo.image.pbase.com/u46/fotosbym/upload/29614771.040530SaxFest213.jpg

First, that's one hell of a lot of saxophones.


OK,

Stroker