Ask Kat

...And in the traditions of all things Alto...
This is Ask Kat, an advice column run by Kat herself.

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More omniscient than a Magic 8-ball, and better looking than that crazy 'ol Powers, she will answer all your quandaries!


Question Count: 6

Click here to goto the '02 Questions!


Dear Kat,  
  Zup Kat, last I saw you you were pissed off talking on a cell phone.

So I'm reading this column and everyone talks about this guy named Barbie, so I read the story and I figured out who it was! (Since I'm kind of out of the loop) I remember one time that guy was sitting in a little school desk, at this party at this house on this Street, and there was this band playing, and that guy was friggin WASTED! I swear I only gave him one beer, I think it was a Rheingold.

Did we really make out two years in a row? I only remember making out at the New Year's party at Prozac two years ago; it was magical. Which leads me to my question...Do you think that now since I'm married I'll be allowed to make out with you this New Years in Pasadena???

3YM and 2YL rule!
  ~British Petroleum
   
Dear British Petroleum,  
  I must admit when I looked at your question I was slightly confused. I mean the question itself was wonderful and I look forward to answering it. It was your name that threw me off at first. 'I was like, Brithsh Petroleum, WTF?!?!' But after thinking a little while longer I figured it out. The initials for British Petroleum, BP can only mean one thing. It's a question from THE Big Papa!!

Yes, it's true; We have locked lips on more than one occasion. And it was definitely Top 2. That wife of yours is one lucky b@#$%. I was upset that once you were tied down with the whole marriage thing our New Year's trysts would have to come to an end. But then one night, while partaking in libations at Le Palace de Prozac, I got involved in a heart to heart with your beautiful bride. I expressed to her my sadness about the fact that you were now unattainable. And then the most amazing thing happened; maybe it was just the beer talking, but your wife told me she didn't care if I made out with you on New Year's as long as I made out with her as well. At first I was slightly put off. I mean, I'm not a switch hitter or anything like that ifyouknowhatimsayin. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked this idea. As I said earlier, our New Year's nookie was TOP 2. So why not make out with a chick? I'll take one for the team.

Eagerly awaiting a trip to Pasadena,
  ~Kat

Dear Kat,  
  Hey Kat I play trumpet in my high school band, but I also play sax and baritone. I dont feel like the trumpet is my weapon of choice. So I wanted to know how do u know if an instrument is "the one"?
  ~Kenn a.k.a. Raz B
   
Dear Kenn a.k.a Raz B,  
  Thank you for a wonderful question. I am very happy to hear that you feel the trumpet is not your weapon of choice. That means there's still hope for you. The answer to your question is quite simple however. The Alto sax is "the one" for you. Why you may ask? Because I said so.
  ~Kat

 

Dear Kat,  
  Kat, I also think that the traditions are something that needs to be kept a secret from those outsiders we like to call, umm....alto wannabe's! :-/ I would like the "traditions" page to just not exist. Do you agree? Should it just not exist? However, I give props to Barbie. He has done a darn gud jobe with thise sight!
  ~umm...yeah
   
Dear umm...yeah,  
  I acknowledge your question, although I have no real problem with the traditions page. I do believe that certain alto lore should be, as we have said in the past, passed on orally. We want to give our rookies some things to look forward to when they decide to join the best section in the best band IN THE NATION. However, I think it's cool that we have some of our traditions up there so that people can see what a fun section we are. It's a page that is witty, yet keeps people well-informed. If you have such a problem with it, make your own damn web page. Oh yeah, and Barbie's doing okay....however I would like him a lot better if he actually posted these questions......
  ~Kat


Dear Kat,  
  Why are people NOT asking you questions? Are they just dumb?
  ~intelligent in asking
   
Dear Intelligent,  
 

It's true. They're dumb.

What's Wrong with you people?!?!
  ~Kat

 

Dear Kat,  
  So, the game yesterday[Michigan] turned into crap. Was it because the Altos didn't have Altoids, or is there a whole different reason?
  ~Wishing We Had WOn
   
Dear Wishing,  
 

Yes, it's all Scott's fault. Had we not been deprived of our altoids I believe we would still be undefeated. So once again, let's hear it for Scott........BOOOOOOO!!!!!

Still sad,
  ~Kat

 

Dear Kat,  
  Cheers to Alto Candy I am a HMB Saxophone, and i must say that i am deeply saddened by the fact that your whole band isn't coming, the thing is.... i must know when and how many saxophones will be in attendance at the battle for FLOYD so that we may "get together" for a few "candies" have fun and take it easy saxes!!! just toss me some email and let us know!! we will be ready for yaz goalden goawwfers.
  ~Andy
   
Dear Andy,  
 

Alto Candy lives on!! And I would like to say on behalf of the Alto section, thank you for getting ahold of us. Reading this email touched me in a way that I thought only Ryan Lear could. Oh well. Anyways, we were all sad to hear that the whole band wouldn't be venturing down to Iowa, but never you fear. For two separate groups of altos will be making the trip down to Iowa. So about 20 total. There will be a group preforming at the game, as well as a group drinking at the game. Hmmm....I wonder which will be more fun. But yeah, my altos and I have been conspiring on a way to sneak the Alto candy into you without getting caught, but when I got the tickets in the mail this past week and it came with a 350 page rule book, I figured that might not work. So we will have to set up a time outside of the game where we can meet up and party and drink and be merry and all of that bulls@#$.

Counting the days til Iowa,
  ~Kat

 

Dear Kat,  
  Are you ready for the Wisconsin Band to tear you Gophers a new one; are you prepared to meet (and possibly hang out with) a real band?
 

~Bufu
Rank 24, UW Saxes
   
Dear Bufu,  
 

First off, what the F@#$ kinda of name is Bufu? You're dumb. Oh and you're also a freshman so maybe you should treat your elders with a little more respect. Stupid kids these days.

Now to answer your first question: Am I ready for the Wisconsin band to tear us Gophers a new one?

Answer: Not really. Not only is your band's marching style atrocious, but I also hear that that the whole entire Badger Band smells like piss. So try to remember to shower before you come and stank up our city. We don't like smelly people.

Question 2: Am I ready to meet and possibly hang out with a real band?

Answer: I already have. I hang out with a real band every day of the week. They are known as the Pride of Minnesota and their is no doubt in my mind that they are not only a real band, but a better band than you will ever be a part of. GILB

Wait a sec.....in the last question when you were referring to a "real" band, you weren't talking about the badger band were you?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....oh too funny (tear)

To be perfectly honest, I was hoping that we altos could be diplomatic about this whole thing. Sure we might go to rival schools, but we share a common bond. We play the greatest instrument ever. We managed to put aside our differences with our friends to the south and in two weeks we are going down to Iowa City to party Alto Style. I was hoping the same could be accomplished with the Altos to the east, but if they're all dumb a@#$% like you, then I fear all hope is lost.

So that's that. I wish I could say I look forward to meeting you but that would be a blatant lie. Hopefully you will grow up a bit in the next week and realize that it was nice of our band to even offer to let you come, you ungrateful little punk.

BETTER DEAD THAN RED!
  ~Kat
P.S. Which team lost to the Mildcats again?! Just curious ;-)
   

www.wildgophersax.com sez: Bufu, you silly freshmen (I assumed this, then confirmed on your website). I am a little more upbeat than you or Kat seem to be. I'm not arrogant enough to call myself the best, nor am I dumb enough to call you the best. I do know that both our sections are pretty damn good when we have to be. That said, I was looking forward to a little camraderie and exchange of ideas and story trading.

I have a friend in your section, a certain Brian Dodge. We went to high school together (Go Panthers!). With that said, I cannot in my heart call you a walking horde of ghonnorea (as some of my fellow bandsmen would surely expect me to do). I'm looking forward to meeting and greeting people from your section, but if you represent yourselves like this, I really don't see the need to. If it's just you who's decided to be the rouge dumbass from your section, I will certainly look forward to the company of your compatriots and not you. I beg you please, in the name of all that is Sax, to be intellegent about this, there's no need to be closed minded.

As an example, Bufu, I point you to the non-Bufonian note from Andy of the Hawkeye Marching Band. They tore down our goalposts last year, do we seam to mind? No! We're planning to party with them! Get a clue, Bufu! So, Bufu, grow up. As your testicles descend I'm sure you will realize that we, the Minnesota Altos, and the rest of your section (the ones that have brains), are not true enemies.

Thank you.

One more thing, I really hope that bye-week really helped your team figure out what mistakes it made down in Evanston. Goodluck with that. See you this weekend.

 

Created: Oct 27, 2003
Last Updated: Nov 2, 2003
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